How To Know If They Are “The One”

by Nov 7, 2021Dating

If you are single or in a dating season, these questions have probably crossed your mind at least once:

“How do I know if they are ‘the one’?”

“Does God really have only one possible choice for us to select as a spouse?

What Does The Bible Say?

In Genesis 2:20 it says, ‘…But for Adam, no suitable helper was found….’

That word suitable can also be defined as compatible or similar. Adam was looking for someone with this one requirement: they had to be compatible with Adam (she had to match him as a human being). She had to be suited to his needs and fit him for his assignment, much like a key clicking into a lock.

I don’t believe that God plays the lottery with romance or relationships. If there was only one possible person that you could be with and you missed that person by marrying someone else – that would mean that your whole life would be messed up and you could mess up the cycle for everyone else.

I don’t believe that.

Paul is very clear in 1 Corinthians 7:39. It says, ‘A wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.’

It says ‘whom she wishes’. Not whom the Lord told her.

See here, there is only one requirement given: they must be in the Lord.

So how can you know if they are the one for you?

Here are five things to can consider:

6 Things To Consider When Dating


Scripture is very clear that God wants us to marry someone who is the opposite gender to us. As Christians, this is a no-brainer, and it’s clear that this is how God intended relationships to be from the beginning.


This person has to match your faith.

Not only should they believe in God, but they should believe in Jesus. There are so many religions that believe in a god, but we narrow it down to the Lord. Demons believe in God and they’re going to hell! It’s not enough to just believe in God.

Can I even go a step further and say that you have to share doctrinal preferences about important things like the gifts of the Holy Spirit; baptizing in the name of Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit; about the kind of church that you go to; speaking in tongues; deliverance; and other things.

If you don’t agree doctrinally, you’re going to end up arguing and having a lot of fights over doctrine. We are spiritual beings and our faith in God is very important to us.


Having compatible values means that you both value the same things. Some people value money, some value family, some value ministry, and others education.

It’s possible to share the same faith but have different values. Differing in values will create a clash, and sooner or later you may find yourselves going in different directions. For example, you may have different spending habits, but it’s very different when it comes to your life values – the things that are important to you.

Are they a person who values honesty or a person who values peace?

Are they a person who values the voice of God or value serving people?

These things are extremely important and you have to find someone whose values match your own.


You need to have peace with this person. This means that if your gut says no, don’t move ahead. Hold on and pay attention to your attention. Don’t rush into anything that you have no peace over, even if they are attractive and you think they’re perfect.

Don’t rush into anything you have no peace about.

Many times God communicates to us through His peace. Sometimes He withholds the peace and that’s a sign that you shouldn’t be in that relationship or that you should pause or wait. Never go against your peace.

Now, we don’t follow our hearts. We follow the Lord with our hearts. Sometimes He will not speak to you audibly, or even through a dream, but He may speak to you by giving you this peace and this sense of knowing inside that this person is the one.

As Christians we don’t follow our hearts. We follow the Lord with our hearts.


God intended romantic relationships to fit perfectly and click.

This is the ‘clicking’ part. There are some keys that can fit perfectly, but they just don’t click. Now attraction alone will not sustain your relationship. I will tell you this from the get-go.

When you begin a relationship it’s important to have attraction. And if you don’t have this, then don’t rush into that relationship, because this is what really makes the relationship different from every other relationship in your life is the attraction that you have to them.

For those people who may be thinking that this is completely worldly, I want you to know that it’s also important. I’m not talking about only physical attraction; I’m talking about being attracted to this person’s soul. 

Do you really like this person?

Do you really want to be with this person?

There’s almost that sense of infatuation, a sense of mystery to this person; a sense of drawing that you have to them and that’s good.

Going back to our Scripture – 1 Corinthians 7:39 it says, ‘…she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes….’ ‘Whom she wishes’ meaning that there’s a sense of wishing, a sense of desire to be with the person.


These five points can be summarized in one word– compatibility.

I believe that these points can help with your decision if you’re in a valley and you’re trying to figure out whether this person is the one to marry.

This is a very serious decision that you are going to make in life; however, I will advise you not to overcomplicate this.

God wants you to be involved in choosing your spouse. Don’t over-spiritualize it.

You really don’t need to have 27 prophetic words and 28 signs to know if they are the one for you.

You don’t need to flip the fleece-like Gideon did (Judges 6:36-40) and you don’t need angels from Heaven to come and confirm it.

Just follow the Scriptures.

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